Sunday, 30 December 2018
The First Purge
The Darkest Minds
The Crimes of Grindelwald
The Nutcracker was an extremely unsatisfying and disappointing movie that failed to create any form of joy in its 100-minute runtime. I actually had hopes for this film and genuinely looked forward to seeing it, but that was soon dismissed. Terrible characters, a dull story and some wacky - and not in a good way - performances made this film a total slog that isn't worth your time in the slightest. A massive misfire from Disney, a real shame.
Melissa McCarthy films usually have me either in stitches or counting the seconds down until they end. Unfortunately, The Happytime Murders was the latter and was an extremely hard watch. Taking a format and putting a new spin on it can work, but the decision to make an explicit puppet movie turned out to be one of the laziest attempts at comedy all year. This is a shoddy piece of work with little creativity behind its jokes, leaving only young teenagers being able to find it remotely funny. It could've been a fun comedy but ultimately, it's just a gimmick that doesn't work to much avail.
I'm a big fan of The Conjuring movies and a horror expanded universe around the series excited me, with Annabelle: Creation filling me with hope for the future. The Nun looked like a promising next step, with creepy images and trailers doing well to build some excitement from fans. The final product couldn't have been more of a letdown, with a lack of a coherent story and a terribly used lead character leading to this film being incredibly dull. The film looks great but has little scares or creativity that makes it a waste of time. Again it's another film that with even a bit of thought could've done a lot of good. Instead, we got one of the most boring commercial horrors of recent years.
Every year, a horror film that is so bad, it's genuinely entertaining makes the list. Last year had the infamous Bye Bye Man and Wish Upon make up the list with some terrible horror and unintentional comedy. This years entry is Truth or Dare, yes a film based off of the game truth or dare but with "spooky" ongoings. This is probably the only film on this list that you could get some enjoyment for but for the absolute wrong reasons. Filled with horrible characters and an incredibly cheesy smiling face, grab your friends and enjoy the lunacy that this film provides.
If anybody knows me, they know I'm a massive admirer of Alicia Vikander, which makes this entry hurt that much more. This was the first film that I saw at the 2018 Glasgow Film Festival and it couldn't have got off to a worse start - well maybe if they showed one of the next five films. The film felt like it was trying to be ambitious with its story but it backfires catastrophically, bringing a narrative mess and ultimately an extremely dull and boring movie. There are very little positives to this film which with its cast had me extremely excited. Avoid this one at all costs, a huge misfire from its two lead actors.
Thank god it's over. We're free. Boring story, awful characters, terrible chemistry and it's not remotely "exciting". I do have to say though, this is perhaps the strongest entry in the series if that's a compliment. I'm glad that we never have to return to this story and especially that these two actors can move on too. Johnson is already doing some great work, go check out Bad Times at the El Royale. It does surprise me that this film is only number 5 on my list but I did see my number 1 entry the week before which may have softened the blow from this, which is still a truly dreadful film.
Who thought it would be a good idea to have every character in Mile 22 be a total uncharismatic asshole whilst shaking the camera in every shot making it borderline unwatchable? This film is a pain to watch as it will genuinely make your eyes hurt due to its unbearable camera work. And if that's not enough, everybody's favourite Mark Wahlberg portrays a complete jerk with no redeemable qualities and a lot of irritating irks. I don't even know who I was supposed to root for in this film, it's a complete mess. Such a hate filled movie that brings nothing but an infuriating experience, Berg and Wahlberg should stick to their real-life depictions and stay away from monstrosities like this one.
The Open House is exactly the type of film you fear of when someone says a Netflix film as it is one that is clear to see no studio wanted to be attached to. An incredibly boring piece with very little to it in terms of character, atmosphere, scares, basically anything that makes a good horror. So little happens in this film that I had to rejog my memory by reading the play by play plot synopsis and even that bored me. Unexciting and unengaging, Netflix's worst of the year.
A Slender Man movie would've been a pretty good idea if it came out when it was popular and there was any sort of effort put into the story. Instead, it was made after the hype around the character had disappeared and the film tried to gain success solely from said name exploitation. The lack of a real story, characters, scares and just anything interesting make this one of the most unusual films I've ever seen. It wouldn't be a stretch to say that nothing happens in this film. It has the most baffling final act I've ever seen in a film, especially in its moments where there is supposed to be a fight back against the creature. The film also sets up a sequel but I don't think anybody wants to see that based on this shoddy attempt to kickstart a new horror franchise. Its lack of effort is insulting and is everything that is wrong when Hollywood tries to capitalise on a popular trend.
LOOK AT THE POSTER. LOOK AT IT. This film is best summed up by its poster as it too is absolutely terrible. Who let that get made? Anyway, Status Update is easily, 2018's worst film as I think I may have broken the record for 'Most times cringed in 105 minutes'. This is clearly a film conjured up by people who think they are in the know with what kids like, but it misses the mark on all levels. It's an absolute tonal mess as it swaps over the top cheesiness and dead seriousness between scenes, whilst its music routines are unbearable. It's a film that shouldn't have even been made for straight to Disney channel it is that bad. Here's hoping it doesn't impact any of the young stars careers which I doubt it will as many will probably not have heard of this film. Those people are extremely lucky as this may be, not only the worst film of 2018 but the worst film I have ever seen in a cinema period. Once again LOOK AT THE POSTER.